Rebuking

In continuing to mull over what Proverbs has to say about speech, another usage of our words needs to be considered (for the "first" usage, see the previous post).

"Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor

    than he who flatters with his tongue."

-Proverbs 28:23

That first line could also be interpreted as "the one who reprimands a mortal about his conduct" (Waltke, 425). In classic Proverbs style, this verb contains an antithetical parallelism extolling the need for rebuke while warning against empty flattery. It is better by far to confront someone about their conduct than it is to just smooth the whole thing over with baseless words.

Proper rebuke seems to be another aspect missing from our conversations and relationships. It's easy to scoff ("Speak to someone or about something in a scornfully derisive or mocking way") at perceived problems. It's easy to yell at someone for doing something wrong. It's easy to become the scoffer that Proverbs warns us about (1:22), but hard to rebuke someone with tangible results.

One part is approach:

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts,

    but the tongue of the wise brings healing."

-Proverbs 12:18

Words spoken rashly or in anger will only bring stab wounds, not understanding nor favor. Likewise,

"A soft answer turns away wrath,

    but a harsh word stirs up anger."

-Proverbs 15:1

I'm starting to see a pattern here. Wise, gentle words bring healing, but rash and harsh words only bring anger and pain. It seems to me, that if a rebuke is to be effective, it needs to be done calmly and with some forethought in order to choose the best words for the situation. The recipient of the rebuke may still not like it, but at least they need to listen to what you're saying, instead of just reacting to your own anger.

Which brings us to the next part of why rebukes may be ineffective:

"Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse,

    and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.

Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;

    reprove a wise man, and he will love you.

Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;

    teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning."

-Proverbs 9:7-9

Sometimes the situation is out of your hands. Hopefully if you need to correct someone, they will be wise enough to accept your heartfelt reprimand. Hopefully they will have the disposition to grown wiser and increase in learning. But that won't always be the case. Sometimes, people just don't want to accept instruction. Sometimes they would just rather plow ahead on the course they're on.

To continue the thought from the previous post, how can we better be intentional with what we say? Nobody is perfect, so everybody will need to be rebuked or corrected at one time or another. But do we actually do it? I know I would usually just prefer to avoid a confrontation, but this isn't always the best route. Sometimes people need to be corrected, and the best coarse of action is to deliver a proper rebuke, instead of just glossing over the incident, either through not saying anything and hoping the whole thing will blow over or trying to smooth things out with flattery.

It's not easy to deliver a rebuke. The few times I've done so weren't especially pleasant. Sometimes, though, a well-placed reprimand is necessary to bring a brother or sister back on to the straight and narrow, which is far better in the end than avoiding the situation.