Rod of Discipline

I did not get in trouble very often as a child. I have siblings about 6-8 years older than myself, and they got themselves into plenty of trouble. I learned a lot about what not to do from them. I was told to go to my room a few times, and I even remember being spanked once. Funny thing is, though, I don't remember why I was spanked. All I remember is my dad being angry over something and I was terrified and just wanted to hide. I don't think that was a very effective lesson if I didn't learn anything.

It seems like there's been a back-and-forth for years, especially in the Christian community. Psychologists say it's best not to spank your children, but Proverbs 13:24 says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him." Or, in the more popular adage, "spare the rod, spoil the child."

There are a few reasons why psychologists recommend sparing the rod. Primarily, though, it boils down to violence begets violence. It shows children that might is right and the bigger and stronger can push the smaller and weaker around. Typically, children who are spanked act out more as they grow up ("externalizing behaviors," as in physical aggression or verbal abuse).

Usually, though, most of these negative side effects come from spanking in anger. In my very scholarly Google searches, I came across a wikihow article on how spank "properly" (http://www.wikihow.com/Include-Spanking-in-Child-Discipline). I actually agree with the guidelines they set out. The point is - don't spank your children in anger! That's where physical abuse can develop, as well as these negative patterns previously discussed.

Let's look at some Proverbs on the matter.

"He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him."
(Prov. 13:24)
"Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him."
(Prov. 22:15)
"Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." (Prov. 23:13-14)
"The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to itself disgraces his mother." (Prov. 29:15)

The common theme I see through these Proverbs (aside from the whole rod part) is the purpose for the rod: discipline and correction. The end result isn't to inflict punishment for wrongdoing. Especially for young children, they don't need to be punished to "pay" for what they did - they need to be punished to correct behavior. "Folly is bound up in the heart of a child." They are going to do things wrong, but that's where discipline and teaching come in to play. It's to correct behavior and lead them on to the path they are suppose to follow.

So what does it mean to "spare the rod?" It really comes down to neglecting parenting duties. It means withholding any sort of discipline or correction, be it spanking or taking away a toy. The point of these Proverbs is not to beat the folly out of children with a switch, but to guide them in the way they should go.

Just imagine a world where children are never told that something is wrong. THAT would be sparing the rod. And nobody wants that.


Sources consulted:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/spanking/10-reasons-not-hit-your-child
http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2012/08/16/why-shouldnt-you-spank-your-kids-heres-9-reasons/
http://www.wikihow.com/Include-Spanking-in-Child-Discipline

Correlates and Consequences of Spanking and Verbal Punishment for Low-Income White, African American, and Mexican American Toddlers
Lisa J. Berlin, Patrick S. Malone, Catherine Ayoub, Jean M. Ispa, Mark A. Fine, Jeanne Brooks-Gunn, Christy Brady-Smith and Yu Bai
Child Development , Vol. 80, No. 5 (Sep. - Oct., 2009), pp. 1403-1420

Longitudinal Links Between Spanking and Children's Externalizing Behaviors in a National Sample of White, Black, Hispanic, and Asian American Families
Elizabeth T. Gershoff, Jennifer E. Lansford, Holly R. Sexton, Pamela Davis-Kean and Arnold J. Sameroff
Child Development , Vol. 83, No. 3 (MAY/JUNE 2012), pp. 838-843

Spanking and Child Development During the First 5 Years of Life
Kathryn Maguire-Jack, Andrea N. Gromoske and Lawrence M. Berger
Child Development , Vol. 83, No. 6 (NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2012), pp. 1960-1977


(For those who are wondering, ethnicity does not make a significant different in the outcome of spanking. Children across the board exhibit more externalizing behaviors.)